Suddenly she appeared in front of me,
She grew on me bit by bit,
She seemed very bright and pleasant to watch,
There was more so I kept on observing.
The feeling became very ethereal,
The knowingness more spacious and secure,
Locking on to her likeable universe,
Becoming more curious to see clearer what I perceived.
It wasn’t like a sudden infatuation,
For a being with beauty and charm,
It was like a feeling you get when you find what you want,
No regrets, no buyer’s remorse.
This love had become relentless,
The loss of still living in our past,
The fragility of meeting the perfect companion,
Unprepared for dying, then can’t find them.
Days later an awareness came suddenly upon me,
Of my weakness throughout all this life,
A responsibility not taken, but others expected,
Painful memories of ages long gone past.
It was then I suddenly remembered,
Who really she used to be,
That hope or that dream always round the next corner,
Became my only purpose for being.
We were always always together,
Very natural as a team,
It was a bond that many yearn for,
A standard for all future dreams.
The invasion came very suddenly,
We’d been too in love to prepare,
They enslaved the whole damn planet,
Which I reactively blamed on myself.
But even so, I kept on looking,
The search for a friend that you do,
And although it took many lifetimes to find,
A search ended, I can now forgive myself.
Our ages are quite different,
Our lifestyles probably as well,
Her awareness may not be the same as mine,
I’ll observe and let life take its course.
The relief is really quite something though,
And calming all at the same time,
This love is like no other,
Not easily described in words.
Our worlds may now be very different,
I haven’t talked to her yet,
I must be careful to not overwhelm her at all,
It’s been so long since we first met.
What happened to us such a long time ago,
Is a barrier that only I have gone through,
I know that for her to see what I see,
Might not be a road she will choose.
I am allowing myself to finally end this,
This search has been hard on myself,
I have lived through many different types of bodies,
Hoping to satisfy this automatic urge.